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Big K’s Guide to Corporate Success

By on Apr 17, 2007 | 2 comments

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I am glad to present you the awaited (?) “Big K’s Guide to Corporate Success”. Success is a relative term & the greatest brains have gone insane about defining what success is. When it comes to the corporate world, success, I think, can be defined. For the post’s sake, let us define it as “earning an above average rating, bonus & salary”. The epic parameter of success would be – promotion to a higher level in corporate hierarchy. Since appraisals form a crucial stage in the process of climbing the hierarchy, I hope “Big K’s Guide to Corporate Success” will provide guidance to those who have to settle on average grades/ranks year after year.

Before you begin, I encourage you to read the disclaimer (#1) at the bottom of this post. Since the lazy bones will exclude this step, they will derive more fun reading the guide.

I also assure you that if you follow one or more pointers presented below, you will do great in the next financial year. Do not forget my share.

All said & done; let us get started. Remember that, your immediate senior (M) (and his/her senior (SM)) are the most important persons in your corporate life. Your success in corporate world is determined by the perception that these people have about you. I will assume that you are intelligent enough to understand the point that I’m trying to make here. For the dim-brained, I will elaborate the same through following pointers –

1. Hard Work (No Substitute): In corporate world, nothing beats hard work. If you think you combine hard work with the smart work, I bet you are in the wrong place. If you can spend hours doing something you love to (or hate to) do, you are entitled to succeed. Nothing else matters. M & SM might hug you with joy. I’m talking about ‘sincere’ hard work. Do not worry about your future. Just make sure that your hard work is being noticed.

2. Be a Loner: Corporate world (especially IT Industry) prefers loners over the ‘active’ folks. Being a loner helps in many ways. You can spend most of the time in office, so at least you will end up ‘doing something’. You will not ‘speak up’, so there will not be a case where you get into debate & try to prove your point. You will not be held responsible for anything that goes wrong (and that’s a good situation to be in).

If you do not fit in above two categories, do not be nervous. There is lot to learn in following lines. Read on…

3. Building a rapport with M and/or SM :-

3a: Party!: Party a hell lot with your M & SM. That is an excellent way of building a rapport with them. Always go to a place of their choice, order their favorite food, laugh at their jokes, tell them how much you enjoy their company etc.

3b: Smoking/Alcohol (#2): For the smokers & social-drinkers, I doubt there is any other better way of building rapport with M & SM. There are tons of things you can discuss while smoking/drinking. You just have to make sure that M/SM is enjoying your company.

3c: Be a personal transport: If you cannot execute much of 3a & 3b, this one is for you. Always be prompt to be a personal transport to your M/SM; so that M/SM feels that you care for them. In return, you will get ‘success’. It does not matter if you are technically below average (couldn’t write ‘bad’). Being a personal transport helps.

3d: Share personal problems: This was reported to me by my friend. Do not miss a chance to share your personal problems with M/SM. This is a great way of getting sympathy. The more sympathy you have from M/SM, the higher are your chances of ‘success’. Remember M/SM are humans.

3e: Laughing at jokes: Remember, you must make your M/SM feel great about themselves. Even if you think they lack the funny bone, put down your ego & laugh whole heartedly at the stupidest joke that M/SM cracks.

4. Say ‘Yes’, Not ‘No’: Do you have a bad habit of saying ‘No’ to things/activities which you think are stupid? Wake up! Saying ‘No’ does not help. If it is mandated by M/SM, then there has been a thorough thought process that went behind it. Who are you to question it?

5. Take that ‘initiative’: You must be good at taking initiatives. Go deliver a presentation that no one understands! People will start taking you as a techie! Do not forget to make your slides boring (use white background: it gives an impression that you focussed on matter, not the decor of slides). Go ask questions in the presentations/seminars. Start interrupting others (once in a while).

6. The 3 Month Schedule: No matter how much screwed you were during past 9 months, the final three months are crucial. You must be very careful during this period. Start coming to office at 7 in the morning or stay late at nights. Do not forget to shoot mails to everyone at 2 a.m. so that everyone knows you were working hard in office. It does not matter if you spend time until 2 a.m. chatting on Yahoo or Scrapping your time on Orkut. If you can prove yourself a ‘valuable resource’ during the last three-month schedule, you will come out as a winner at the end of FY.

7. Be good looking: Sorry! If you are not good looking, you will have to try one or the other pointers mentioned above. But, if you are good looking, the avenues of success are open to you. You got to have that ‘SPARK’ in you! If you don’t, read the guide again.

That’s all I could compile from friends & friends of friends. If you think I presented a ‘negative’ view through above pointers, take a break. Nothing is ‘negative’ about above pointers.

You can just make it a way of life.

Do not forget to leave a comment.

-The Big K-

Disclaimers: #1: This post has been generated using the feedback that I received from friends. Any connection to reality is purely coincidental ( :mrgreen: )

#2: Your cigarette smoking is injurious to my health.

Footnote dedicated to Gary: HK! Quit smoking & get the shit out of your head before it decays. If it does, it will stink.



2 Comments

  1. Namrata

    April 22, 2007

    Post a Reply

    Hey Big K, I am amazed at your definition of success.I know you don’t like opinions and comments on your blog so refraining from any. But I am wondering what does ‘Netagive’ mean? check out “Nothing is ‘netagive’ about above pointers.”
    Is it an english word which i just missed learning? Do enlighten me about it’s meaning.:) Because it’s a final statement in your post and i suppose final statements and words are usually error free and besides you have put it in quotes.So just curious to know.

  2. The_Big_K

    April 22, 2007

    Post a Reply

    Hello,

    “Success”, in above post, is the ‘Corporate Success’. I’ve not tried to define success, but tried to put what success means to people, in one sentence. Of course, what I wrote can be wrong.

    I acknowledge that my English sucks 🙁 . If there is a grammatical mistake, please let me know. The sentence “Nothing is ‘negative’ about above pointers” tries to say that many people would think that I’m a pessimistic guy with a negative view on corporate life. That’s not true. I only summarized what my friends told me about their corporate lives.

    One correction, I do love to have comments on whatever I write. 🙂

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