My dearest readers, aka, Software Engineers,
December has arrived & I am worried for you. â€œWhy?â€ your tiny brain might ask. Well, my friend, it is the right time that I give you tips on getting high grades in appraisals that are due next year. Its all about strategy; and December is the perfect time of the year you should start working on it.
First, let me declare few facts. Big K was never a super-performer as a software engineer. He was graded â€˜averageâ€™ in all the appraisals he faced; but that did not stop him from observing & learning from the weasels who tricked the appraisal systems and got good grades & salary hikes. The wisdom derived from years of observation & experience has been compiled & presented to you, free of cost. Feel free to write down all the stuff that you learn here on a big century paper and stick it to the wall that you see every time you wake up in the morning. It will help, for sure.
Let us get started with the basics. Your grade in appraisal depends on â€“
- Time spent in office
- Your looks
- Your relationship with your immediate manager(s)
Everything else, does not matter.
Since I canâ€™t advise or even talk about your looks, weâ€™ll concentrate on first and the third pointer listed above. If you are a good looking person, the chances are that the person who gives you good grades will rethink his/her decision about giving you low grades. Good for you.
Time spent in office
December is right time of the year you should start coming to the office late & stay late in the evening. This gives others an impression that since you worked hard in the night, you got up late in the morning. Another impression this weasel timing gives is that you are doing â€˜extra workâ€™, â€˜updating your technical skillsâ€™ or â€˜helping othersâ€™. Of course, no one would bother to check what you were doing during the extra time that you spent in office. If you are a hardcore Orkuter, you can spend your time writing scraps. Or chatting on IMs or just apply to other software companies. Everything is fair & legal. Make sure you complete the tasks allotted to you are completed at 2 am and you fire a mail to the team, including your managers at 2:30 am. You can even setup a script to do that for you. However, it depends on your weasel quotient.
Your relationship with your immediate manager
Time for that unwanted smile, praise, smoke, dinner, talks about life, sympathy etc. Need I talk more about it?
Follow my advice for next 2-4 months and enjoy all benefits of promotion, salary hikes, respect from colleagues etc.
For most of you, this post was not a value addition to your existing knowledge. For the fresh entrants to the Software World, I bet it was useful.
I wish you all the best for your appraisals.
–The Big K–