I got a call from some company based out of Mumbai, India trying to sell the ‘ISO 9001:2008’ certification. The seller was complete idiot and had not done his homework. He ended up wasting my time and his time as well. Here’s our conversation –
Idiot: “Hello, Sir I am <complete> <idiot> from <unknown name> company, Mumbai.
K: “Hello <idiot>”.
Idiot: “Sir… does your company have *ISO 9001:2008 certification*?”
K: “What the …<i hate luv stories promo style>……No we don’t.”
<Idiot suddenly changes the language of conversation from English to Hindi>
Idiot: “Sir, aapki company ke liye achha rahega … aapka quality standard badh jayega..”
K: “Ek min, ye ISO lene se humara quality standard kaise badhega?”
<At this stage, idiot is too idiot to understand that he’s falling in Big K’s venomous word trap >
Idiot: “Sir ISO mein har chiz ka documentation hota hain. Aur sir isse aapka goodwill bhi badhega”
K: “Hmmm. Documentation aur quality ka kya connection hain?”
Idiot: “Sir humari company ne bhi liye hain…main aapko certification copy mail kar sakta hoon”
K: “No, I don’t want it. Just tell me three things we should go for certification”
Idiot: “Sir isse aapka goodwill badhta hai market mein”
K: “Humara goodwill to already achha hain”
Idiot: “Sir ek alag type ka status aata hai iss certification se…”
K: “Mein samza nahin, kya status milega iss certification se?”
Idiot: “……sir….<silence> ..”
K: “What if we don’t match your quality standards?”
Idiot: “Sir, each department will have its own documentation <?????????????>”
K: “Sorry nahi chahiye”. Phone cut.
At this point, I really felt as if I said no to a candy seller. I remembered my days as a software engineer when I had questioned my manager why the company was spending so much money in getting a certification. I had been through audits and the complete process was completely insane.
I thought to myself; ISO certification just makes you a ‘qualified beggar’ in the services market. What’s your thought on ISO certifications? Is it just another trick by foreign companies to take money out of Indian pockets?