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The Big K’s Unofficial Responses To Chetan Bhagat At India Today Conclave 2012

By on Mar 20, 2012 | 7 comments

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While flipping channels today, I stumbled upon following ‘India Today Conclave 2012’ video on Headlines Today channel. Just few minutes into the video and I realized I was commenting on almost every alternat sentence uttered by Chetan Bhagat. While Chetan Bhagat is immensely popular among Indian youth and is believed to represent the young generation of India (which will lead this country in future); I do not subscribe to think school of thoughts. I imagined myself being a part of the show, sitting on an invisible chair on the stage and passing my own comments on whatever Chetan Bhagat had to say. Watch the video while you read my own responses below –

Chetan @ 9:20: Babaji Mujhe Bhasm mat kar dena …

Big K: Ha ha ha, Chetan you’re so funny. Ha haa haa… That was the funniest joke you’ve ever..haa haa haa

Chetan: @ 12:57: What about the people who have legitimate 500 rupee notes?

Big K: Dude! If you have legitimate Rs. 500 rupee note; the bank will give you equivalent amount of 100 rupee notes.

Chetan: @ 13.05: Shraap mat de dena babaji …

Big K: It’s not funny anymore, Chetan. Just like your second, third novels….. leave it.

Chetan @ 13.03: You don’t know how economy & country works. That’s the reality of it…

Big K: Chetan! Do you want Babaji to throw few MBA buzzwords at you & wear suite, tie & shoes…so that you’re convinced that he does know how country & economy work?

Chetan @ 13:47: You will lead your followers to India of the 16th century with your policies & beliefs that you carry. What scientific basis do you have homosexuality is a disease?

Big K: Hom…. What??? Where does that come from in this talk?

Chetan @ 13:19: You say you have poses to cure homosexuality. I want to know what those poses are?!

Big K: Holy crap! (Moves his chair away from Chetan). Really, Chetan?

Chetan @ 15:08: If you are right, produce a research paper!

Big K: (Why am I here? Chetan is so dull! Everything needs a proof these days. Maybe I should ask him for a research paper to prove that he belongs to his parents. Leave it.)

Chetan @ 15:27: You’ve such a big stage and you talk anything about any community. Muze bhi agar stage mil jaaye aur mai bhi kisi community ke bare mein bolna shuru kar dun ki in mein defect hain …yeh kya tarika hein? 

Big K:  Hey hey hey Chetan! Don’t you use abusive language & f-words in every alternate sentence in your books? Who gave you the right to make the younger generation familiar with things they shouldn’t learn? Come on, Chetan; you’ve misused the big stage that made you popular.

Chetan @ 15:36: Can’t I have a glass of wine in your hand and care for the country?

Big K: (Bah! IQ scale will now have to be modified to go negative. #sad.). Chetan, you can get high on LSD and still care for country. No issues about it. Don’t give us flashes of the obvious.

Chetan @ 15:45 : Agar aap ke haath mein satta thama di gayei to pata nahi corruption jaayega ya nahi jaayega, but pata nahi humara desh kaha jaayega?

Big K: Chetan; what’s up dude? Why mix homosexuality & wine with ‘Desh kahan jayega?’. I mean, wtf (I learned that through your novel, ha!)? Don’t you know that this country’s law does not allow you to ‘Drink & Drive’, and you want your PM to get drunk and drive this country? WAA DAA FUUU…(oops!)

Chetan @ 16:33: To be a politician you need some tact…

Big K: Chetan, there are 100x more people than your entire readership who get up at 5 A.M to do Yoga listen to Baba Ramdev. Don’t talk about ‘tact’. Plus, Baba is *not* a politician. Do you ever read news papers for which you work as a columnist?

Chetan: @ 17:25: You should have used the ‘sympathy’ you got after police action on June 4. You had an ‘opportunity’. You could have hired few advisors than putting up tents worth crores of rupees (Baba: Next time, I’ll invite you) …no, you can’t afford me.

Big K: (Does quick meditation to cool himself). Chetan, are you in your own senses? Are you saying Baba should have used the sympathy he gained for his own benefit? You should thank him that he didn’t! Oh well, for you (MBA) everything is just business, right? Just look for your own profits! Darn! Oh and what did you say? You’d charge money to give your advise to benefit your country? So how much should the soldiers should ‘charge’ for sacrificing their lives for the country? …and by the way, no one needs your advise; except for a few idiotic engineering & MBA students who think you’re a motivational speaker.

Chetan @ 18:03: TV ka camera on hein kuch bhi bol dena hai…masti mein.

Big K: Mirror please, for Chetan!

[ Baba Ramdev Answers The Questions/Issues Raised By Chetan Bhagat ]

Chetan @ 28:20 : Don’t tell us what the German magazines say. Give us concrete proof.

Big K: Umm, Chetan; did you ever question Wikileaks? Did you ever question the textbooks? You took them for what they are right? The German magazine could be right; and they are a reputed publication. Huh?

Dude On The Left: What’s your opinion on the soldiers who drink?

Big K: They should not drink. Drinking is a bad thing.

Dude On The Left: When my kids grow up; I’ll share drinks with them. (Audience Claps)

Big K: What a pathetic audience! Darn! What about ‘Sanskar’, fella?

[The moderator seems to be taking Chetan’s side and defending alcoholism]

Y U NO Alcohol

Closing Remarks:

We’ve a new generation of ‘intellectuals’ who think everything except direct physical abuse is justified. They’ll debate on it, they’ll make the wrong look right with debates & arguments, they’ll label people as ‘moral police’ and they think because they speak & look English; they ‘know’ everything.

Unfortunately, this generation has a say in almost everything and power to influence others.


  1. The Big K

    March 20, 2012

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    Update: I’m quite surprised to see the comments on the above video on YouTube:


  2. Ankita

    March 20, 2012

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    Thank you so much for writing this.
    Just one thought – Chetan Bhagat is not suitable to even share the stage with Baba Ramdev.

  3. Manu Rawat

    March 23, 2012

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    Until now I believed Chetan lacked only creativity but now I should add ‘Common Sense’ also to the list. Throughout he had no idea what he was saying, he did not look spontaneous. Risking his freedom for a bottle of whine and gay sex. Moron.
    Glad to see that Baba Ramdev got a positive response on such a big platform. People has started taking him seriously. He is doing a great job in making people aware of wrong doings in this country. People might consider him illiterate or crazy but interestingly today’s headline stated what Baba Ramdev is crying for past two years – Illegal Mining of natural resources. And scam sums upto Rs 10.7 lakh crores. Biggest till date.Instead of questioning Baba’s figures, hope the ‘host of the show’ read today’s newspaper and did some math himself to calculate how much black money there could be in this country.

  4. Circularsquare

    March 23, 2012

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    Chetan Bhagat has indulged in some basic logical fallacies – namely ad hominems. I.e if you are losing a debate throw aspersions on the character of your opponent. ex – “You can’t believe John when he says the proposed policy would help the economy. He doesn’t even have a job.”

    I think it is unfair to comment on what Baba Ramdeo does in other fields while arguing  with him on matters of governance.

    We could also resort to ad hominems – “You can’t accept what Chetan has to say on issues such as corruption because his novels suck” . But we won’t do so. It is better to lose an argument than to indulge in logical fallacies.

    • The Big K

      March 23, 2012

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      Agreed. I wonder what made the Conclave Organizers bring Chetan Bhagat on the dias when the topic was totally irrelevant to what he does. 

      Just because his novels sell; does not mean he should become an authority on national issues. 

      As against, Baba Ramdev has been actively participating & driving social issues for over a decade now. 

  5. Sam

    August 9, 2012

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    Ha ha ha! Another jaundiced-eye critic. Blind faith leads to idiocy. Cognitive dissonance! Ludicrous. Please don’t use this ‘humourous’ drama and try to debunk Chetan’s points using rational points.

    Mujhe Bhasm mat kar dena…asked only to give some rational direct-points, Not ”Why am I here? Chetan is so dull! Everything needs a proof these days.
    Maybe I should ask him for a research paper to prove that he belongs to
    his parents.” Not this kinda dramatic dialogues.

    • The Big K

      August 9, 2012

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      Ha ha ha! Another brain-polioed Chetan Bhagat fan!

      I’d love to offer ‘rational’ points. But Chetan started it… 😛

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