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Outsourced Parenting – Outsourced Responsibilities

By on Jul 13, 2013 | 17 comments

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I’ve this nagging feeling that I’m not 100% attentive to my kid; whenever she needs me. I didn’t set out a ‘traditional office’ and decided to keep working out of home while my kid is a kid; which is going to be a very short time and I don’t want to miss out on any of the moments. So far, I’ve been lucky to watch her first step, first reaction to testing lemon, and several other ‘firsts’. This is something that’s incredible and I’ll never have the chance to experience this again. To some, this may not be important at all; but to me it is. Working out of home allows me to be around when my kid needs me; but I’m still not able to attend her all the times. My parents do all of the ‘taking care’ part, and it’s no easy task to handle a smart kid. You’ve to be always on the toes, if you aren’t the types who’ll make the kid sit in front of TV so that your ‘troubles’ are minimized.

Parenting isn’t an easy task – and it requires extra-ordinary patience and super-activeness. I think most of the ‘modern parents’ lack it. They lack it to the extent that they’d quickly outsource all the parenting to others; so that they be ‘free’. Here are examples of outsourced parenting-

1. Make the kid sit in front of TV all the time watching idiotic songs, dances or cartoons.

2. Hand over the kid to the most active person who’s volunteering to attend to the kid – whenever you’re at a social gathering.

3. Send the kid to playgroup throughout the day.

4. Always look out for someone who is willing to attend to your kid so that you can ‘breath’.

5. Recruit a maid / caretaker / baby sitter to attend your kid all day.

Of course, the dim witted people reading this article would quickly ‘imagine’ that I’m advocating that you shouldn’t make your kid ‘social’ and rather make them ‘stick’ to you all the time. You see, that is NOT the point here. But I see the trend among most modern moms and dads looking for chances to find someone to take care of their kids. In short, looking for chances to outsource parenting!

I think the ‘real’ reason behind this ‘outsourced parenting’ is that most ‘modern’ parents have become ‘lazier’. They’ve become lazier at core in the mindless race for ‘appearing active & busy’. They’ll make you believe that their work leaves them frustrated and tired; and they’ll NEVER find out solution to fix those problems. Reason? They’ve a lazy brain & body to really figure out ways to fix problems. So the best way is to ‘deny’ the problem in first place.

The Bad Outcomes Of Outsourced Parenting

The outcomes of outsourced parenting are similar to the effect of nicotine. It’s slow and by the time you realize that things are out of your hands; it’s late. VERY late. The first outcome is that you’ll realized that your Kid has no ‘connect‘ with you. It will be slow; but the kid will have realized points 1-5 over the years. You’ll have to ‘pretend’ in public that there’s a strong bond; but it won’t exist. Why am I saying that? Because I’ve seen this happening.

Second – there will be no way to fix the situation. You won’t just be able to CTRL+Z things. You’ll then try to make up for the damage with ‘money’ and ‘gifts’; which would essentially be a move to buy some love and it will fail.

Third – the growing kid will have a very little self-confidence or ability to think independently. Maybe this explains why I see so many dull people these days. I strongly believe that it’s the ‘connect’ the kid has with parents that makes them truly ‘independent’ and self-confident. You may debate with me; but that’s true.

Fourth – The kids won’t be there when you’ll need them. Because you did the same to them.

Fifth – You’ll miss out on all the bestest of the things in life.

But you should thank God that he/she sent you on the Earth will a dull brain to really understand, appreciate & ponder over the the things I’ve written above.


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17 Comments

  1. BellyBytes

    July 21, 2013

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    as a mother of two adult “children” let me tell you that I have spent all my life being an attentive mother, looked after my children the way you advocated ( i.e. staying at home and working from home, taking the children to the garden, looking after them at social gatherings etc etc) and my children grew up just the way they were meant to be. There is no right or wrong in bringing up children. People who “outsource” parenting have their own reasons for doing so and their children are none the worse for it…..

  2. While I agree with the message of this post, I must however point out that the very reason for sending many kids to boarding school is to make sure that they can handle things independently (from an early age). You may refuse, but this forced dependency creation is one of the biggest hobbies of many parents.

    Destination Infinity

  3. Amruta

    July 22, 2013

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    What do you call “Husband & wife working(either from home or outside) and husband’s parents are doing the difficult task of taking care of the kid”?

    • Amruta

      July 22, 2013

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      Of course, many of the grand-parents would happily do the job(taking care of kids) of parents. But parents should understand that at their age, grandparents just need to enjoy the company of their grand-kids.

  4. Hrishi

    July 26, 2013

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    Hello,

    It is very nice of you to manage your work in such a way that you can spend more time looking after your kid than what others are able to.

    As you rightly said, fewer parents are with their kids than the parents of the previous generations. What we need to see is why? In many cases, both the parents are working parents who cannot get work at home and must travel to office and back. While work in itself can be a pain, add to that travel. At the height of her commute, my mom had to travel a good 200 kilometers every day. In my current job I have to travel 100 kms a day as part of the commute. People do come back all drained to the house.

    Add to that now , they have to take care of the kid. Try understanding that these are people who come back exhausted (mentally &/or physically) from work, and then get woken up in the night due to baby cries, or sleep late because the baby hasn’t slept, and so on. It takes a toll.

    Given a choice, they would obviously want to spend more time with their kid, but they have to work to make ends meet, or maintain their lifestyle. Even money is not an issue, having kid doesn’t mean you give up your own identity. Which is why they have someone from the family who doesn’t go to work anymore (typically the grand parents or if there is an uncle/aunt) help by taking care of the baby &/or hire a baby sitter.

    I agree that if kids are not brought up in a positive and encouraging environment, it can be detrimental for their growth. Which is why when parents can’t be there in person to look after the kid, they have someone from the family or the baby sitter to do so. Sure, the baby sitter may not love the kid but atleast the kid is being taken care of.

  5. The Big K

    July 26, 2013

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    Thank you for opening my eyes, people! After reading your comments, I’ve decided to make my child totally independent. I’ve decided to send her to boarding school and will meet her once every 6 months. This will ensure-

    1. She’ll know her parents exist.

    2. She’ll be totally independent in a few years’ time.

    3. As a parent, I’ll have taken care of my responsibilities by making her independent & also will have time to focus on my profession & career.

    Wondering why it didn’t strike me earlier.

  6. Sapna

    July 26, 2013

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    Came to The Big K’s blog after a long time. I was hoping to read something nice. Unfortunately what I found is this judgemental article.
    Your kid is lucky to have you around but not everybody is so fortunate to be with their kids all the time.
    Just calling everyone else dumb and lazy doesn’t make you a genius!

  7. Arch

    July 26, 2013

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    Hello, why so judgemental? That’s all I have to ask you.

    – There are parents whose jobs don’t allow them to work from home. Are you suggesting these folks to quit their jobs? Think – a doctor.
    – My mom worked for 8 hour days and dad stayed out most of the days. I was taken care by a nanny. When mum was tired, she gave me a book and asked me to read it aloud while she did her own chores. Makes my mum a selfish woman, eh? I am 26 and I respect/adore her for her thoughtfulness and want to be like her. Wait, according to you, we aren’t connected at all?! Oh, and just to let you know. I am a self – reliant, confident single woman living abroad alone and if I must say, earning more than my peers. I was not given constant attention as a 2 year old but I turned out fantastic. Like most kids do.

    And my BIGGEST grouse with your post comes from your last comment – WHAT is so wrong about focussing on one’s own profession and career? I see childcare expenses as investment for the family. A few years later, my family ( including the kid ) will thank me for the quality of life.

    If you are basing this blog on just two people whom you have met, I suggest you to look at a wider population and decide. And I strongly recommend you to keep quiet until you have non-judgemental opinions.

  8. Sreetama

    July 26, 2013

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    Quite biased views I must say. The arguments clearly don’t stand. All the best with your parenting and your daughter! Hope she gets a life, provided you let her get one!

  9. Nameeta

    July 26, 2013

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    I sincerely hope that your daughter doesn’t get influenced with your thoughts and your attitude towards ‘dim witted’ people.
    Also, you actually don’t know how to even care for a child as your parents are burdened with the ‘taking care’ part.

  10. Princess-butter

    July 26, 2013

    Post a Reply

    My parents worked. My mom was at home few times while switching jobs and I went to creche as well. All that while changing 7 schools and 4 cities courtesy dad’s transfers. Yet I have an extremely close relationship with my parents. It did not make me ‘dumb’ either. Masters in Mech Engg from a premier institute. I am in USA not because I want to ‘leave’ them. But to fulfil some of ‘our’ dreams. And my mom working and being careful about their monies made me fiercely independent and career oriented. It taught me passion and ambition. Kudos to my mom for that. And my dad worked late yet I was and am his princess without being a spoilt only child. My ‘gifts’ werent bribes, but earned rewards. I am sending them this article as a thank you for bringing me up just fine even if they are ‘guilty’ of ‘outsourcing their parenting’.

    • Princess butter

      July 26, 2013

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      And btw, my parents did not work for extra jewellery and fancy electronics. They worked to make sure we have a good secure future with my education as a top priority. Please dont pity parents or call them lazy or dumb just because you are able to work from home. I have a friend who had stay at home parents. Its a pain to deal with her short sightedness and lack of understanding of the world. And we are 25. I wonder what went wrong. #justsaying

  11. ramya

    July 26, 2013

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    Hopeless article…did you actually spend time writing this?
    You need to grow up to be able to manage home and work…I guess u r just justifying your inefficiency.

  12. Shilpa

    July 27, 2013

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    Wow so much judgment coming from someone who has himself ‘outsourced’ parenting to his parents! Maybe when you get off your high horse you will realize that all of us parents are trying to do the best for our kids, whatever that is!

  13. Prachi

    July 30, 2013

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    Coming from someone who himself has ‘outsourced’ the difficult part of parenting to the grand parents, how can anyone take this post seriously.
    And you call working parents lazy, someone who is at home all day and still doesn’t take care of his kid.
    Having said that, many parents I know are just working to make ends meet, to be able to give their children a good life, education, because not many are fortunate enough like you to afford everything. Sadly not many companies in India offer a work from home environment.

    Really a sad and myopic post. Maybe the dull people you keep meeting are making you dull as well.

  14. Mayur

    August 1, 2013

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    Totally in a bad light biggie… and an unwanted post may be. But then they are your thoughts and I know they have always been radical.

    Here is why I send my kid to the playgroup-
    1) He has become more independent of his mother and aaji.
    2) He learnt to socialize with strangers and I realized he has become smarter
    3) The teachers and maids have taught him things we couldn’t have, and wouldn’t have due to paucity of time
    4) Certain shows in CeeBeeBies and Nick Jr have helped him learn a lot about shapes, colors etc. In fact in his school in Sandipani, the teacher praised us during the PTM that our kid knows more than many others who have just grown up under the shadow of their over protective parents
    5) He runs faster than others of his age, knows how to drive his car, takes bath on his own and many other things

    Every day when I return home after 10-12 hours of work, he patiently waits and expects me to play ‘Spiderman-Goblin’ with him. And I happily oblige. He loves us and so do we.

    We have not outsourced parenthood. We are just letting others share the all important and the most exciting phase of our lives. And we will be thankful to all of them who have helped. Period.

  15. Saandeep

    September 25, 2013

    Post a Reply

    Well I am not a parent yet so I dont know how difficult it is to manage everything as told in this post.
    But let me give you my opinion, being dumb or being clever donot link it with the master degrees or phd degrees you have.

    There are people who are dumb and worthless but still have great degrees in premier institutes!
    I dont 100% agree with the post , but there is certain age for a kid till the parents have to take care, let me quote an example there is a family with two kids. One kid is taken care by his mom and dad till age 3 without sending to crush or whatever and the other kid is sent to crush because parents earned more money.

    The first kid turned out to be loving son, and is in a good position and he is not dumb ( Not about degrees) the second one always has the opinion that his parents dont love him so much.

    This is real life example, there are situations where in kids need only parents and no one else and if you are constantly unavailable yes you will see the results.

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